Soon after giving birth, most women find themselves in the middle of a new challenge… figuring out how to breastfeed.

Both physically and emotionally, the first few weeks of breastfeeding are usually quite overwhelming. There’s so much for you and your baby to figure out in terms of latching, positions, tongue-ties, nipple trauma and milk supply. 

It is usually a bumpy start for most of us. And whilst we might have anticipated that it would have some challenges, the emotional intensity of how this feels in reality can be quite a shock.

I think this is because breastfeeding often holds deep importance to us as new mothers. On an emotional level, it represents the first big task of new motherhood. The fundamental task of making sure baby is fed and doing well. This means that breastfeeding challenges tend to really press on that ‘failure’ button so many of us have. 

If it’s triggering a lot of difficult feelings for you – you are not alone.

In my work with new mums, one of the biggest challenges that I see is that breastfeeding relies on a complex physiology between mother and baby, which can be complicated by a difficult birth experience. Breastfeeding is ‘natural’, yes, but what if your experience of birth felt anything but natural?

Understanding the Impact of a Difficult Birth on Breastfeeding

Going through a complicated or traumatic birth can affect breastfeeding in various ways. This can be a really difficult part of birth trauma, this ‘flow on effect’. It’s painful but important to acknowledge the role your birth might have had on breastfeeding.

Your physical recovery might have been more complicated after a difficult birth, perhaps by a birth injury, infection, or haemorrhage. Any health complication is likely to have put additional stress on your body, interrupting the hormones that help your body make breastmilk.

It’s also important to acknowledge that going through any traumatic experience places stress on your body, which can also disrupt this hormonal process – even if someone else might consider your birth a ‘good birth’.

And if you and your baby had to be separated whilst one or both of you received specialist care, this may also have got in the way.

Most of the mums I work with want to be able to breastfeed, both for the nutritional benefits and the bonding experience they are hoping to provide (and have with) their baby. In fact, breastfeeding can often feel even more important than ever after a difficult birth.

So if breastfeeding is important to you, let’s go through some things can can help mums overcome these initial hurdles.

Be gentle with yourself

My hope is that knowing that you might be facing some of these additional challenges from you birth might help you to be more gentle with yourself.

If you find yourself feeling stressed or anxious, if you are blaming yourself or feeling like a failure – please remember that it is not your fault. When breastfeeding feels impossibly hard, try to remind yourself, it is! For many, many women. I always say, breastfeeding is incredibly complicated for something so natural.

Treat yourself gently, with the same kindness you would show your best friend if she was in your shoes.

It can feel hard to treat yourself with compassion. It might help to know that responding to your feelings in this way can actually reduce the feeling of stress in your body. Which makes self-compassion something you can do each day to help make breastfeeding easier.

Focus on rest & snuggles

When you and your baby are reunited after a difficult birth experience, this is the time to prioritise skin-to-skin snuggles. Can you take a few days in bed together? Think like you have the flu, and set yourself up with Netflix and snacks.

Even if quite some time has passed since your little one was born, your body will respond to this time together. The additional rest can help your body pour its energy into milk production, whilst your hormones will respond to the skin-to-skin and frequent feeds.

Don’t neglect your own nutrition – you need to feed (and hydrate) yourself really well to feed your baby.

And if you have older children, invite them to snuggle up with you as well!

Get good at asking for help – even if it feels uncomfortable

Prioritising breastfeeding in this way is not something you can do alone. This means leaning on your support network, and involving your partner, friends and family and delegating as much as you can.

You need to rest and feed, so what can they do? They can change nappies, sterilise your breast-pump, take your toddler to the park or providing cooked meals.

Asking for help can feel so hard, especially as you might feel physically well enough to do these things – but this is about giving your body what it needs to heal from the experience of the birth and be able to feed your baby.

Bring in extra breastfeeding support

Breastfeeding can be confusing, and there’s a lot of conflicting advice out there. So a good lactation consultant can be a beacon of light through these early days and weeks. They can provide practical solutions for increasing your milk supply, reducing pain and supporting a good latch. Remember, you can absolutely fire or ignore anyone who doesn’t make you feel immediately supported!

There are also some great free online sources of support out there to help you and your baby get started as well, including kellymom.com and The Australian Breastfeeding Helpline.

If the suggestions of your lactation consultant have left you feeling totally overwhelmed, consider hiring a postpartum doula to get you through the intensive period. Strategies like triple feeding (breastfeeding, then expressing and topping up using a syringe, spoon or bottle) are not forever, but they are extremely intensive and being able to continue them often comes down to the level of support you have available.

Be patient and persistent – but know it is okay to stop if you need

It takes both time and practice for breastfeeding to become manageable and even enjoyable. If you can be both patient and persistent, and are well-supported both by your partner/family, then you will hopefully find it all clicks into place.

But if it doesn’t, you may need to weigh up the benefits of pushing on with breastfeeding and consider giving yourself permission to let it go.

This might be the right thing for you – and therefore, hard as it might seem right now, the right thing your baby.

For some mums, this decision can involve some big feelings of sadness, some grief about the missed-out on experience of breastfeeding, about the way their birth experience impacted feeding… but it also often brings a huge sense of relief. Usually, they can move forward into enjoying the next phase of motherhood feeling lighter.

Knowing When to Seek Further Help

After a difficult birth experience, most mums leave it too long before seeking some help. And this makes sense, because the adjustment to a new baby is always huge, and there often doesn’t seem like there’s any time and space to deal with what you have just been through with the birth.

If you think that the thoughts and feelings connected to your birth experience may be continuing to affect you, seeking some support can help you to move forward into motherhood with greater ease. 

If you are struggling with signs of postnatal depression or anxiety, you aren’t a bad mum. You’re just struggling, at a time in life when many women do – and support is available.

The following sites are good places to start:

• https://panda.org.au/
• https://www.gidgetfoundation.org.au/
• https://www.cope.org.au/
• https://www.centreforperinatalpsychology.com.au/

Establishing breastfeeding after a difficult birth needs a combination of patience, persistence, good professional advice and a lot of support from your partner, friends and family.

Sometimes, certain factors lie outside our control and even with a superhuman effort and good support, breastfeeding doesn’t get easier over time. It is so important to know that it is okay to let it go – and it is also okay have a range of complicated feelings about that.

Remember, you are not alone in finding this hard. Take it one day at a time, think creatively about how you can get some extra support in your corner, and practice a lot of self-compassion.

Through The Birth Healing Collective, Dr Rosie Pajak provides online programs, classes and free resources for parents after difficult birth experiences.