Are memories of your last birth coming up more now that you are pregnant?

If parts of your last birth experience were difficult or traumatic, another pregnancy can bring it all back up again.

Trauma triggers can exacerbate these effects and cause distress, anxiety, and panic. However, there are many ways to manage trauma triggers and reduce their impact on your daily life.

You might find that certain experiences, situations or people trigger anxiety or distressing memories of your previous birth-related experiences. For many of the women I work with, trying to conceive another baby can bring everything back up again. When pregnant, the reality of another birth approaching can create anxiety – an you are likely to come into contact with lots of reminders during your pregnancy, as you begin to discuss your past and approaching birth with your providers.

Walking back into the maternity system, organising your pregnancy care, and returning to the hospital for appointments or scans can be really triggering, bringing up memories of your last pregnancy and birth in a very real way.

What is happening when we feel triggered?

The term ‘birth trauma’ covers any experience that happened for you during pregnancy, birth or postpartum that was overwhelming, frightening or really upsetting, and had a lasting impact on you. Nobody else can decide whether what you went through was traumatic – because it’s all about how you personally experienced it.

Whenever we go through an experience that is truly overwhelming, our mind doesn’t always process it fully. This is because at the time, our nervous system and brain are fully focused on getting through – on survival. This actually prevents our brains from sorting and processing the experience into long-term memory in the usual way.

Instead, fragments or pieces of the experience stay with us in quite a raw way, and we can re-experience a bit of what we felt then, when we think about it now.

This might mean that when you think about aspects of your birth experience, your body reacts a little like you are back there. You might notice a vivid image of a particular moment, a sudden rush of emotion or the shadow of a physical sensation as you think about it.

Because our brains are so clever and designed to protect us from danger, we also get this feeling when something reminds us of that experience. This means that even when we are not consciously thinking about our past experience, anything that matches it can set off that memory in our mind.

For example, walking back into the hospital for an appointment can commonly reawaken a feeling of anxiety, emotions or sensations connecting to your last birth, even if you don’t want to be thinking about it!

If you notice that things are bringing up memories of your last birth, or the things that happened to you before and afterwards, it can help to create a coping plan to help yourself through these triggering moments.

Here are some of my tips on managing trauma triggers in pregnancy after birth trauma:

Set a solid baseline of self-care

Pregnancy is always a time to taking particular care of your physical health, but it is just as important to think about your mental and psychological health.

Having a solid baseline of self-care can actually help you to manage trauma triggers when they happen.

This could include getting enough sleep (toddlers permitting!), eating nutritious food, and giving yourself permission to take time away from work and family demands to exercise.

Dedicating a few minutes each evening before bed to practicing a specific relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing can help you to actually be able to reach for that tool when feeling anxious.

Get to know your triggers

As you move through your pregnancy towards another birth, notice and note down which experiences, situations or people seem to trigger distressing memories, thoughts or feelings for you.

Triggers might be really obvious, but they can be hard to spot. Usually, they are something in the environment that acts as a specific reminder, like:

• Certain places, like the hospital or birth centre
• Smells or sounds you notice there
• Words used by your midwife or obstetrician
• Checks, tests or examinations

Create a clear coping plan

Creating a coping plan for times when you are reminded of distressing parts of your last experience can help you manage these trauma triggers in the moment. This can reduce the risk of feeling really panicky or highly distressed when triggered.

The first step might be simply to notice and label what is happening, e.g. “I’m feeling really triggered right now” Or “This is an old feeling coming up again, as I’m being reminded of last time”.

Then, identify a couple of simple coping tools you can easily reach for. This could include strategies such as deep breathing, relaxation techniques. You could play your favourite song into your headphones for a couple of minutes to provide a point of focus. Or even download an engaging game onto your phone to distract yourself with.

If you choose distraction, try to gradually lengthen out your exhale whilst listening or playing. This way, you are simultaneously regulating your nervous system whilst distracting your mind.

Learn some grounding techniques

Grounding techniques can help you stay present and focused during a trigger. These techniques involve focusing on your senses and surroundings. For example, you could focus on the feeling of your feet on the ground, the sounds around you, or the texture of an object in your hand. This helps to pulls your mind into the present, rather than the past – reducing the impact of a triggering moment.

One wonderful thing about grounding is that it can be done anywhere, anytime! All you are aiming to do is bring all your attention to the present – so you can try these techniques at home, at a midwife/obstetric appointment or when you are out and about.

What will work for you is quite personal – so it is important to try a few different techniques to see what feels right and works best for you.

If you are interested in adding some grounding tools to your coping plan for your next pregnancy and birth, I teach five different grounding tools inside this short video course, so you can pick your favourite or use different techniques in difference scenarios. I created this because I know how much it helps to have some tools to reach for – it is empowering in itself when you know exactly what to do to feel calmer and more in control when anxiety hits.

Get some professional support for birth trauma

If memories of your last birth are coming up more for you now that you are pregnant, it might be important to seek some additional support. There are some wonderful practitioners with expertise in birth trauma and training in trauma-focused therapies.

Addressing trauma before the birth can be a hugely important part of your birth preparation. Therapy or counselling can help to reduce the anxiety you feel about birth and support you to prepare for a better experience next time.

Importantly, seeking support for birth trauma can help you to resolve any lingering feelings of guilt, failure or helplessness that have stayed with you deep down – and could potentially be triggered again during your next birth.

Getting some support for yourself now to work through that trauma can help you to go into your next birth in the best possible mindset, feeling ready to have a better experience next time.

Dr Rosie Pajak is a perinatal psychologist and founder of The Birth Healing Collective. She is all about supporting mums to have more connected, empowered births after birth trauma via her resources, classes and online programs.

If you are looking for more support for pregnancy and your next birth – do take a look at The Trigger Toolkit – available here for just $27.